Couples Retreat

There is not much to say about the film. It was bad. The sort of bad that makes you want to waste half of your life on building a time machine so you could go back in time and persuade yourself not to watch it. But somehow I feel I have wasted this 2h I spent watching it completely if I say nothing here.

So here it is: relationships are quite frankly the worst thing there is. It is as if at one point two seemingly intelligent people decide to force a badger through their ear and let it eat whatever is left of their common sense. Once we are in a relationship we start to think it is important to name things, label emotions and take things seriously. After that you forget why you wanted to be around the person in the first place and ten minutes after that you will find yourself in a motel next to either a Bianca or a Pablo trying to find your doctor's number on your phone so you could enquire about the downsides of syphilis. We've all been there.

Rarely do we realise that making 10% effort every now and again can solve 90% of our problems. No, I haven't been to one of those "yes, you can do it, believe in yourself, carpe diem" talks that inspire people to sell more and buy less or vice a versa depending on what sort of a shape a bloke in japan discovered at the bottom of his coffee cup. The key is that the 10% effort needs to be focused on ourselves. Saying that I am being a selfish donkey and I will now make a conscious effort to focus on making someone else happy. Then we will beat the leprechaun to the pot of gold.

Alternatively, doing simple things that are as unfamiliar to your daily routine as penguins are to polar bears will also remind you why you got in a relationship in the first place. And then you can just enjoy the company of that person and share wonderful things with them.

So the main thing to take away from this film is that I wish I was Vince Vaughn. He is funny and I like him. The film wasn't funny though. I did not laugh once. Full stop.

The Invention Of Lying

Before I saw this film, my friend told me it was rubbish, not funny and ridiculous. I have now realised I shouldn't listen to my friends because they don't have a clue what they are saying, even when they are absolutely right.

The film is funny, but not in the conventional way, nor thanks to the plot, which is as absurd as trying to eat your own head. Which, by the way can be achieved upon great practice. I am sure the people who wrote it must have been either extremely bored or extremely intoxicated. Either way, it's awful. The funniest bits were random comments that people made throughout the film that just made you chuckle.

Sadly, I can't say the acting was any better than the plot. Not to take anything away from Ricky Gervais, but even I could play the role of someone taking constant abuse and keeping a straight face through it. It's not rocket-science you know.

Having never been to fond of Jennifer Garner, I must say there was little acting to keep me at the film. It's just her suitability for the quirky-type characters that makes me lose all interest. I'd even be more stimulated by her playing an ass-kicking heroine in some bound-to-fail-attempt-of-a-film like Elektra or the series Alias. The horrors of TV.

Throughout the film I thought about how much we lie every day. At which point, luckily, my companion for the film was kind enough to point out that people can simply withdraw themselves and not say anything at all. That wouldn't be lying. How right she is. I guess I was even more upset at the fact that truth sometimes just isn't romantic at all. Which truly upsets me because I love the truth and prefer it served like a nice salad - cold.

Although the film did turn out to be utter rubbish, I can't help but realise that I had fun watching it and should I find it on TV, I wouldn't mind seeing it again as terrifying as that thought may be.

An Education

Having just done my exams and looking forward to another semester in uni, this film makes me wonder about the education we receive in life. Is it right for us to be carried on hands from cradle to grave or should we be thrown in at the deep end? One way or another, we have a lot to learn.

We can start by learning from the people who made this film about how to make a film with a plot worth millions as boring as watching two bisons taking a poop. Although nobody would like to learn how to do that. I felt bored and even though presented an award-winning (11 wins & 39 nominations) plot I found it difficult to stay intrigued for long.

The acting was good, which naturally means that there was nothing special and nothing was visibly horrendous so I could take yet another poor actor to the slaughterhouse. I was impressed with Carey Mulligan and expect to see her in something again soon. I wish she did a role of someone dominant and fierce. I think it would be challenging for her and treat for all of us on the other side of the screen. Until that she will always be a girl in a film about a girl and a man, which at the same time is brilliant and nothing special.

However, I do feel anyone with a spare 90 minutes should definitely consider this coming of age story.

The Damned United

An intriguing depiction of Brian Clough (Michael Sheen) and his job as manager of Leeds United FC. As well as the road leading to the job for the man was depicted, I was slightly annoyed by the time "warp". It was also done in 500 Days of Summer, Definitely,Maybe and The Other Man, so by now has lost its "wow" effect on me. Which should not take any credit away from the film, but leaves a bitter taste my mouth.

The cast was fairly unknown for me as Colm Meaney's (Law Abiding Citizen, Law & Order) was the only face I recognized. Yet this played in the film's advantage, portraying unknown managers coaching unknown players that went on to make history. Which is where the rub is. The true story will always be bigger, more emotional, better and more relevant than this film, which will fail to exceed mediocrity.

For me, the only bright spots in the film were added clips of actual footage from news reports on this affair (much like photos at the end of The Blind Side) and the personality of Brian Clough. Men like him are so ambitious that nothing will take them down. But the crucial part is that they have to act towards themselves with the same ruthless and somewhat vulgar attitude they face to world with. Alas, they will always start their own downfall.

The Men Who Stare At Goats

Quite possibly the most random film I have ever seen.

Even after a hard session of concentration and a taking a while to think things through after seeing it, I still failed to understand the message of the film. From time to time the plot simply made no sense and I had trouble following it. However, this didn't stop me enjoying it one bit. The film is full of witty humor and the occasional cheap laugh. George Clooney was impressive as always and in hindsight I must say that it was his acting that made the film for me.

Ewan McGregor failed to impress me, but then again, this may highly be up to my narrow-mindedness, which only allows me to see him through his role in Moulin Rouge. I was constantly waiting for him to break out in song and dance.

All in all, the film disappointed me, but then again my hopes were incredibly high and thus failure was imminent. Do not get me wrong, however, this film is still great great entertainment.

The Other Man

It's a very heavy film with a dark plot and an ingenious twist.

I would not say it is a particularly good film, apart from the twist, which I do not want to spoil for you and thus will not elaborate on. I have grown fond of Liam Neeson's acting lately and in my eyes, he delivers once again. Antonio Banderas puts in a decent effort and I can imagine the role of a slick dreamer who wives cheat on their husbands on was interesting to play for him.

The bottom line, however, is this - it drags a lot and builds up to the twist after which there is an anticlimax and everybody is richer for the experience. You need to be in a very specific mood to watch this, otherwise it will be nothing more than average.

Whip it

Whip it is a film that I have trouble placing in a category. And I am not talking about genres here, because there is no problem there - this is clearly a perfect example of the notorious vomit genre. The sort of film that is a result of two men in their middle thirties, a whole lot of alcohol and a schmoke or two.

I do not want to be harsh towards the actors and actresses involved because all of us need to eat, right! I am, however, slightly disappointed in Ellen Page, I LOVED her in Juno and do think she can be a brilliant actress, dare I say she already isn't. But I do fail to see the reasoning behind this part selection. Honey, I am sure there are far better films out there that bring out what you are really made of.

I am under no illusion that this film was directed at and by someone still learning to walk. However, with Drew Barrymore finding her feet as a director I ponder whether there are such things as "a born actress" or "a born director." There should be because sometimes, people should simply stay either in front or behind the camera and not wander around somewhere they do not belong.

Turning back to what category I would put this film in and the winner is.... awful.

The Blind Side

Firstly, very similar the the last film I saw, Adam. As in, its not particularly good, but the story is breathtaking. Well, not so much as for Adam as for this. A truly remarkable story of Michael Oher, a big boy with a bigger heart who carries everything he has in life - a spare shirt - in a plastic bag wherever he goes. Taken in by a wealthy white family, he needs to figure out the new life he is given - admission to a predominantly white private school based on his believed excellence in sport.

Secondly, the person who did the casting should be shot. That for two main reasons. a) he/she is brilliant in selecting people who so well match the real people seen in the photographs in the credits. b) for selecting Kathy Bates as miss Sue. She is perfect for the role, but I just can't stand the actress! I am sorry and am sure she is a lovely person in real life, but can't stand her on screen.

As for the rest of the cast - how is Sandra Bullock still getting roles? Who can I write to about this? I'm sure there are others out there who would quite happily have seen Megan Fox play Leigh Anna Tuohy.

The story is amazing and I would encourage all to see it. It tells me once again that the true stars in our civilization are those men and women that nobody knows about. The regular everyday normal guy and gal that have a heart as big as an elephant.

A truly inspirational "based on a true story" film, in fact, the best I have seen. That argument not being based on the films side of things, but the story side of things. That's my opinion and I am sticking with it.

Adam

Before I start writing this I have to come clean. My friends... I love chick-flicks. Big time. But not the kind that makes the girls in my house whine about how they all "want a boyfriend" (now they only do it because they know it irritates me, but whatever). I like chick-flicks with a twist. Here's a few examples to know what I'm talking about: Spread, The Ugly Truth, 500 Days of Summer.

Anyhow, this film intrigued me. Boy meets girl. Boy falls for girl. Girl falls for boy. Boy has Asperger's. Sorry? Yeah, wake up call miss "I want a boyfriend"! Life isn't all roses and butterflies. People see things in a whole different way and that is why Hugh Dancy's acting impressed me - he was able to convey that in a way that was clear enough to get the message across but subtle enough not to ruin it. Many of the things his character said and did made me think about our lives and how much of it is lies. Are we really becoming so superficial that amongst all the politeness our real message is lost? Are we unable to tell the people around us what we are thinking because we are too worried about what they might think of us?

Which brings me to my next point. When we say so many polite things, we run out of ways to express sincere emotion, sincere affection when we most wish to express it. On this blog, I have been saying that a lot of films are good just because they have left me with no negatives to point out. So now, when I actually saw a film that was not amazing, that was not bound to go down in film history, that was not superb, but was extremely heart-warming and a lovely watch... I simply... Do not know how to say it. Because there are these other films in the way.

This really is a good (I know, I'm sorry) film and I encourage you to watch it, unless you are the type that needs exploding cars and an average of 5 stabbing and 89 deaths per film in order for it to be "good". In which case you know nothing of cinema and should not watch anything at all... better still - don't even leave your house and chuck your TV out the window. Do that and I promise that I will be more objective with the next reviews I post.

Law Abiding Citizen

Before you start reading this, I ask that you try to take everything I say with a pinch of salt because I got a lot of love for Gerald Butler. But often as it is, we choose to ride those we love the hardest, so they achieve their full potential. Kind of the case here. Watching it I wondered why monsieur Butler chooses roles of broken men with a bit of roughness to them, someone who has lost someone close. We saw this in P.S. I Love You (loved that film by the way) and also in the Gamer. As he has that look about him which makes such roles suit him so perfectly, I can't help but wish that he did something completely different. Something to really challenge his ability as an actor. For the love of God, it's not like he would ruin his career, should he fail. Not with the kind of looks he's flashing around. Take The Ugly Truth for example... there are always that kind of films as a back-up.

Jamie Foxx? Well, let me tell you that not having seen too much of his stuff, I would have to say he did well. Nothing about his acting that left me with a bitter taste, nothing about it leaving me rallying the troops to go riot an Oscar for him. Not that it would be the kind of caliber film, that would bring home the golden men. Don't get me wrong, I do think it is a good film.

And the thing that really makes it good is the plot. Kurt Wimmer (writer) is undoubtedly bang on and F. Gary Gray (I know, awesome name, right) has done a good job directing. I love comparing the incomparable, so here it is: whilst for Avatar, the plot can be suggested to be the weakest feature - slightly lacking in creativity and choosing raw muscle over wit in trying to hammer home the message - this is completely the opposite. I love a thought provoking film and this definitely is a true-blooded member of that tribe.

However, the plot on its own can't make a film or break it, nor can any other aspect. Similarly, just the ability to put the ball in the basket doesn't make one a good basketball player. There are other aspects of the game that make you a true player, like Brandon Roy or King James. You have to be a solid all-rounder and that is what I think this film is. It is a good solid act, with some stronger aspects and some weaker ones, but just like the fore mentioned players, it will make you remember itself.

Year One

Right, I'm going to make this brief to catch up the time I lost watching the film.

It's about two hunter-gatherers (Jack Black, Michael Cera [Rather upset at him becoming part of this film after Superbad and Juno]) who go from bad to worse to weird to worse in their quest to save two good-looking members (June Diane Raphael, Juno Temple) of their tribe, who had become slaves due to Jack Black's character's clumsiness. They go through a series of biblical events leading to the place of their romances' captivity and rescue them, becoming wiser in the process. Naturally they get the girls and everyone is happy. There, now I've saved you the time you would waste watching it. You are welcome!

There is no real cinematic value to speak of here, so the only way this film would not be an utter piece of rubbish is if it was funny. Which it is not. You will understand when they are making jokes, but it will not make you laugh.

Ironically, as the main character eats the fruit of knowledge he becomes wiser, you watching it, will not. You will become more stupid. So don't.