Inception

Right, so basically, imagine a ball of string. Pretty simple right? Now picture a ball of string with gadzillion ends sticking out rather than one. That's what you get with Inception.

The best bit was, however that as you go through the story, all these little ends of string find matches and tie to them to make a big, fat piece of rope that will soon, thanks to the twisted writing skill of Christopher Nolan, explode, be involved in a car chase, be shot at, punched and thrown off a bridge.

The story in a nutshell is about invading people's dreams to steal thoughts. Easy, right. But not when Leo DiCaprio is around... should have seen that one coming. Now naturally, you must go into someone's brain to put an idea in there, but obviously that is completely impossible...

...unless you have Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Ellen Page and Handsome Bob on your side, obviously. Combine this and you have all that it takes to make a good movie - think of it as an IKEA equivalent of a blockbuster.

Luckily though, the whole thing is so well done that not once did I get the feeling I had no clue what was going on, which leaves you without a single reason not to see this film.

Shutter Island

Basically, this is a right mindf*ck of a film. There is no other way to describe it.

I expected it to be one of those supernatural, creepy-lady-with-a-rotting-tongue type films, but I was wrong and I'm glad I was because what it was, was so much better. I am not a fan of scary films as time and again their point seems to evade me completely. Shutter Island surprised me with its wittiness, execution and the lengths to which the plot was thought through to.

However, it was not human testing or mental illnesses that got me thinking, not even Leo's wavy locks managed it this time. How far would we go to believe a beautiful lie over an ugly truth? Being the sort of person that likes his truths served like sushi minus the soy sauce, I struggle with the idea of a life mislead. Ideals can be noble and glorious in their essence, onto which layers of lies are laid, but can we really place a lie at the center of our lives? Yet I find it difficult to blame Teddy Daniels for following his lies through to salvation.

P.S. Make sure you watch it.

The Green Zone

So this is what? The story that is supposed to wash the iraqi blood off the American footsoldier's hands? I'm not into politics and fully understand that soldiers go to war for leaders and die for ideas stupider than a chair, but my problem with the film is that I genuinely don't see a point in it.

It was alright for passing time, which, I essentially was doing watching it. And the chase sequences and power relationships kept me interested, but so would a washing machine. Honestly, I would be as happy watching a red sock and a pair of blue undies battle it out in the dryer as watching this. Its the sort of corrupt cop drama that you have seen a thousand times before, except the cops are soldiers, and the baddies are government officials rather than dirty cops.

So have we really been force-fed this pumpkin and jello mash just that some halfwit somewhere would understand it was a rubbish administration rather than a nation that caused a pointless war? I'm sorry, but if you need this film to figure that out, maybe you would be better off growing turnips and referring to a lightbulb as witch-craft.

At least Matt Damon now has some money to buy a fake beard for and maybe get a different haircut to make him look a bit more rugged and less of a 19-year old shop assistant.

Crazy Heart

I can see why people appreciate this film so much. I, however, do not.

Don't get me wrong, it's a good film, the acting's brilliant and the soundtrack too, provided you are the kind of person that has a sofa on you r front law, do not know what soap is, don't consider vegetables a meal and look at your fit cousin and think: "I'll have a bit of that." But I just can't see myself wanting to see it again. And when it comes to films, that is something I look for. I want to have a need for more.

Right, so without spoiling much, its about Bad Blake, don't know who he is, google it, I'm not an encyclopedia. His struggles, successes and vomcanoes. As you do, if you have an alcohol addiction. Jeff Bridges, as we all know, got an Oscar for the lead and I can now see why, he really did do a good job, but nonetheless, I remain unmoved.

I'd say - see for yourself, maybe you'll love it. I didn't.

The Bounty Hunter

I wouldn't waste my time on this again. It wasn't exactly bad, but it was far from good, so I think I'm right to say that it was horrific.

As a result of a combination of films and by comparison with other slightly quirky-yet-so-girl-from-next-door-looking actresses I now hate Jennifer Aniston. This film has a lot to do with it. It set it in stone for me. Gerald Butler was bearable on account of Gamer, Law Abiding Citizen and The Ugly Truth. If it had not been for these films before this, I would have hated him too, but for now, I will exercise my right to remain silent. Everybody gets away with one.

The plot was... well there was no plot. It was more like the drunken ramblings of a meerkat with tourette's. Basically, don't watch this, you will only encourage the people making this crap.

Dear John

There's no point. Don't bother.

It has some life truths in it, but you will learn them anyway and will be saving yourself a lot of time.

The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus

Those of you who know me know that I have an obsession with penguins. You also know that I am extremely picky with fantasy films. This one was a bittersweet viewing for me.

I was annoyed throughout the film. My ear was itchy, the caravan-thingy they lived in was stupid, Johnny Depp was rubbish (I know, who would have guessed I'd ever be saying that) the mirror looked as good as Bigbird's impression of Julia Roberts and the graphics were childish enough not to be enjoyed by anyone looking for a serious experience and the children... Well there weren't any there and tell you the truth, I wouldn't take my kids to this either.

I would, however, take my kids to watch Brokeback Mountain. Not because I have an overwhelming need to make my kids gay, heavens no, and don't read into this because I'm not looking forward to explaining why I'm not PC. Just be quiet, will you! The reason I would take my kids to watch that film is because I want them to appreciate good acting. One of the reasons for me watching this misguided effort of a film in the first place was that Heath Ledger happens to be one of my favorite actors. How can you not like someone who apparently improvised half the comedic dialogue in this film? He made this film, without him, this would be as much to watch on the big screen as tomato soup boiling. And I don't know about you but I dislike tomato soup.

When Depp played his Tony, I was rather frustrated. The charismatic swagger of Heath had been replaced with the awkward yet warm slyness of Jack Sparrow. I won't say anything about Jude Law or Monsieur Farrell, mainly because I felt them to be trivial to the film. Kind of them to take part and extremely kind of them to give their paychecks to Matilda Ledger, but apart from the somewhat awkward fit of Farrell's badboy look for Tony's fate, I found little to be joyous for.

By the way, Lily Cole is a babe. That is all.

Now I wonder whether it would be the same film if Ledger would have finished the film. I guess it wouldn't. But it would be better. I suppose he just went to prove again that the brightest of us burn out the quickest. Heath Ledger - what a man... and what an actor.